I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
