Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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