Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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