my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I won the penis lottery.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
