Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
