Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
