You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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