thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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