it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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