i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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