What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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