Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
