if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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