I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Vodka?
Forever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
