I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am one with the molecules
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
