I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, beer. Big fan.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
