Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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