The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
