She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
