I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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