Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
