I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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