I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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