you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
