the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
