What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
