I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
