i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
