so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
