My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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