you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
