i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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