so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
