And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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