We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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