I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
