i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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