Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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