Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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