Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
