new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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