So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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