drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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