Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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