Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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