How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Umm I'm too high to move.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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