Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
