weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
