Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
