i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
