At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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