I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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